“You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence, if you secretly feel he is a nobody” —Les Giblin
That quote pretty much sums up the important ideology I see every day.
I believe personal relationships with others are like a seed that must be planted. New life needs water, fertilizer, and sunlight to grow strong and healthy. In the real world, there are not a lot of individuals who really understand the importance of maintaining a good relationship with people. They are simply not aware relationships require nurturing. Failing to nurture may destroy something beautiful and meaningful that they had with a family member, friend, coworker etc. When those seeds grow into plants they help us learn and grow in many ways. In other words, they are one of the reasons we can become successful. People we care about can be there to help us solve problems, generate ideas, and overcome life challenges, among other great things. Below I share with you the eight steps which can help you to develop strong relationships with people.
1. Listen: speak less, listen more, and ask questions.
The most important gift you can give to someone is to listen. You are giving them the opportunity to talk more about themselves. When you ask questions that creates a moment for them to express his or her emotions, ideas and feelings. It will make them feel you really care about them. People are always looking for someone who is willing to listen and who wants to know more about them.
The do’s and don’ts of communication:
Eyes contact: There is an old saying that “the eyes are the windows to the soul”. Eye contact is a very important part of communication; it is a form of body language. When you keep eye contact with the person you are having a conversation with, it shows you are focused and you are paying attention to what he or she is saying.
Say “I Understand” or “I know how you feel” or similar words when the person finishes saying something. Or you can repeat back what he or she said. When you do that, it shows you really understood what the person said.
These are some of the don’ts when you are having a conversation.
Don’t use your phone when you are talking with someone. If you are waiting for an important call, you should explain you are waiting for a call before starting a conversation. That way, he or she is forewarned about a possible interruption.
Don’t watch television. If you are talking on the phone with someone, turn off the television while you are talking. That way you can completely focus on the important information that person is sharing with you. There is old saying: “treat others the way you want to be treated.” Listen!
2. Have integrity: Always be yourself. Don’t try to be a different person. Our own individuality is beautiful and interesting, and people will appreciate that. Showing honesty is key. Always do what you said you would do. That is called integrity. Integrity is when your actions have the same reflection as your words.
3. Give people recognition: “Be so busy giving others recognition, that you don’t really need it for yourself.” —Jim Rohn. It is important to always express appreciation to others by acknowledging their accomplishments. That alone makes them feel good, because you should instill pride and respect for their hard work. When someone does something with passion by walking the extra mile and demonstrates their skill and talent—applaud them! His or her dream is to be perceived as someone who is a leader.
4. Tell them the truth: There is an old saying that applies to relationships: “always tell what they need to hear instead of what they want to hear.” Honesty is key, when you are building a relationship. Your responsibility as friend, brother, or father among others roles is to help the person you love in the process of their growth. The only way is to tell them the truth. If you hide it, it will hurt them in the long run. We all can benefit from feedback. It’s how we learn and grow.
5. Don’t make the situation more important than the person: There is no such thing as a perfect relationship between people. All relationships go through problems, and what really matters is how people react. Sometime we go through our daily routines and face stress, but please never make others pay for what happens in your day. It is crucial to understand that, and not make your own issues or problems more important than the people who love and care about you. Failing to recognize your special connections can deteriorate your relationships.
6. Respect: This is one of the elements we must have to build a strong and solid relationship with others. This one of the things that separates humans from animals. It is a moral value we all need to be able to build a community. We all come from different countries, which means we have different sets of values, beliefs, languages, culture etc… We must accept and support other people’s individuality.
7. Believe and motivate them: Always ask questions, don’t stop! Keep digging to find their “desires”; in other words their goals and dreams… those things that make them feel good and bring a smile to their face. When you know what they want from life, that creates a special connection. Knowing what their heart desires gives you the power to motivate they—mentioning their goals and suggesting stamina and focus on their immediate objectives. It jump-starts them to work hard and fight for their dreams.
I remember what my friend George Falero said: “Never laugh at someone’s goals.” You can easily hurt the feelings of a person by making fun of his or her dreams. People are always searching for support instead of negativity. They will prefer to share they objectives with people who motive and lift them up. We can lose good and treasured relationships if we are negative and pessimistic about others goals.
8. Share your personal experiences: There are people who don’t feel secure enough to share their own story with anyone. One reason for this reluctance is a sense of weakness. They don’t want to share their past mistakes, failures or setbacks.
The only way you can help others to open up is by telling your own story. You may ask why? The reason is when you share your past mistakes or any event that affected your life in any way, you share your human vulnerability. Your part of humanity can inspire them. And that creates a special bond. That’s what really makes a great relationship. We all can learn from other people’s stories.
These are 8 steps that will help you build great relationships with people. People are your greatest asset and we must protect these relationships. If you want to share some thoughts about this article, please feel free to comment below. We all can learn from each other.